Free Web Hosting Provider - Web Hosting - E-commerce - High Speed Internet - Free Web Page
Search the Web

((LEGAL STUFF: Inuyasha and Co. are property of the sole ownership of the wise, witty, and wonderful Rumiko Takahashi! I am not making any profit whatsoever except my own enjoyment in writing this. I do not own nor claim any rights to her characters and concepts. However, the original characters in this story belong to me, so please do not copy them or use them without my express permission.))

Chapter 3: Seeking the Self

"Sango!" Kagome practically flew out of the narrow crack as soon as there was room for her to squeeze through, tearfully throwing her arms around her friend's neck. "Waaah! I thought we'd never get out!"

Sango embraced her in return, glad to see her. "Kagome, we thought we'd lost you--you and Inuyasha both! What happened down here?" she asked.

"Rats," Inuyasha grumbled, picking his way out of the crack at a more sedate pace.

"We know," Miroku said. "We found them on our way in, as well. An awful lot of them, too."

"They chased us in here, then Inuyasha went ballistic and caused a cave-in with the Tetsusaiga," Kagome informed her friends. "We almost--"

"The Tetsusaiga!" Inuyasha bolted back into the hole, reminded of his precious heirloom. "Miroku! Shippo! You guys get your tails in here and help me get it out!"

"Aw, we just dug a bunch..." Shippo groaned, looking sweaty and tired like the rest of them. Reluctantly, he and the others crawled into the hole, seeing Inuyasha fighting to free his father's sword.

"You really got it stuck, didn't you?" Sango commented, shining the light on the situation. "I've got an idea. Everyone lift this boulder, and one of us will pull the sword out once it's loose."

"Which one of us will pull it out?" Miroku wondered. "Not you, Inuyasha," he said before the dog-demon could open his mouth. "We need your demon strength on this stone. You too, Shippo. Kagome, you're not the strongest, so you pull it out."

"Uh...okay." She didn't know whether to be honored by the request or insulted that he'd called her weak.

"Here we go!" Sango announced, putting her shoulder into the rock. Miroku and Shippo--in his blue-ape-thing form--did the same, and the stone shifted ever-so-slightly.

"Get your back into this, Inuyasha!" Miroku grunted.

"I'm coming." The half-demon stepped in between Sango and Miroku, put his fingers beneath the stone, and heaved with a snarl of effort. There was a grinding noise as the stone lifted up, and Miroku and the others nearly lost their grip in surprise.

"Whoa...!" Shippo breathed, his own shape-shifted little muscles straining. He's been getting stronger lately! What's he been eating?

"Kagome...get the sword!" Inuyasha growled.

"Oh!" The schoolgirl snapped out of her awed stare and darted underneath them, pulling on the the Steel-Cleaving Fang, trying to wriggle it out. "Just a little farther, guys! The end's still stuck!"

Inuyasha let out a rumble as he and the others strained higher. Kagome pulled...and flew backwards when the sword popped free with a rusty shcwing!

The others dropped the boulder with a gravelly thump.

"Ouch!" Kagome groaned, rubbing her tailbone. "Here you go."

Inuyasha snatched his blade, looking it over carefully for damage. "Thanks, girl," he said grudgingly.

"Can't expect gratitude for the rest of us," Shippo grumbled, his usual self again. "You could have lifted that rock by yourself, Inuyasha. What were you so busy doing in there that you didn't?"

Inuyasha, who had been hovering close to Kagome, turned away from them and growled. "Taking care of the wench, what else?"

"Oooooh," Shippo said, a knowing look on his face. "I suppose being trapped in a little room all by your lonesome was terribly dangerous, wasn't it? I wonder if there was any smooching--"

"Shippo!" Kagome half-shrieked.

"Let's get out of this cave," Inuyasha snarled suddenly. "Kagome needs some air."

"My sentiments exactly," Sango added. "This place stinks."

"And you can't even smell half of it," Inuyasha said unkindly, pulling Kagome along with him, leading the way back down the tunnel.

"Thank God for a human nose, then," Sango retorted.

"Inuyasha, I can walk on my own," Kagome said sternly. The dog-demon growled and released her arm. "I'm okay now," she said, more softly.

"Just don't freak out on me again," he grumbled to her.

Kagome rubbed her nose and shook her head. "I won't."

The party made its way back to the large lake-cavern. The rats were still gone, and standing in the mouth of the little tunnel, Kagome and Inuyasha stared in surprise as Sango shone the light around.

"What happened here?" Kagome breathed as they crossed the floor of the cavern.

"Something very big and very mean," Inuyasha replied, looking around and sniffing the air. "There's no smell of anything but rats, but if I didn't know better I'd almost say it was--" He suddenly broke off, freezing stock-still and rumbling low in his throat.

"What's wrong?" they all asked him simultaneously.

"Something's in here," he growled. "It's a demon."

"Is it the one that killed the rats?" Sango asked.

"I don't know. It's close, though."

"Hhhhssssssssssshh!"

The frightening noise made their hair stand on end. The group tensed, battle ready.

"It's here!" Inuyasha yelled, drawing the Tetsusaiga. "Move!"

There was a thunderous splash just as everyone scattered. In the dim, bluish light of the lichens and the wildly flashing yellow of Kagome's "magic lamp," something huge and sinuous lunged from the dark water of the underground lake, causing a tidal wave to thunder up the shore and throw everyone off their feet.

"It's a tunnel-snake!" Sango gasped as Miroku helped her up. Reaching for her giant boomerang, she unpacked it from her back and prepared to throw.

Soaking wet again, Inuyasha leaped to his feet, snarling, brandishing his Fang at the monstrous serpentine form that coiled itself onto the rocks. "It's a tunnel-snake demon!" he corrected harshly. "Watch out!"

"Nasssty little bugsss killed our preciousss little onesss!" the giant black snake hissed. Its head alone was as long as Sango's weapon, and untold feet of it were still rising from the water. "We will sssquash little bugsss! Like our little onesss were sssquashed! Our food, our ssservantsss, our preciousss children!"

"It thinks we killed the rats!" Kagome realized, hugging a waterlogged Shippo and ducking behind a stalacmite. "It must be the one controlling the demon-rats!"

The snake struck, and Inuyasha jumped out of the way, the Tetsusaiga transforming in his hands. He swung, but the snake had already drawn back, coiled for another strike. "Kagome, do you sense a shard?" he shouted as the snake lunged at him again.

"Yes!" Kagome yelled back. "But I can't see it!"

Inuyasha was thrown into the wall by a loop of the snake's coils slamming against him. The snake oriented on Kagome's voice and advanced, hissing. Kagome shrieked and ran, trying to get to Miroku and Sango, who might protect her in some way. Miroku looked to be debating whether or not to suck the snake in, because it was venomous, and Sango was trying for a clear shot.

"Hyaaaah!" The half-demon charged in, stabbing the Tetsusaiga into the black snake's retreating back. The snake whipped around at him, trying to sink its poisoned fangs deep, but Inuyasha's own Fang struck first, and the snake's head rolled across the floor to stop beside a pile of its "precious" rats.

Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. "He did it!" Shippo crowed as the body writhed in death-struggles. "We're safe!"

"Where's the shard?" Kagome wondered. "I don't see it at all."

"Maybe one of the demon-rats has it?" Sango wondered, strapping her boomerang back on.

Inuyasha yelled, bringing them all around. The snake's body had risen up, the stump of its neck pulsing with a faint glow as two new heads pushed up through the severed flesh, each growing out its own neck and covered with glittering new ebony scales.

"We are Karasssuhebi, now the immortal ssserpent," one of the heads hissed. "We will never die!" spat the other.

"We'll see about that!" Inuyasha snarled. "Kagome, find that damn shard!"

"I'm trying!" Kagome screeched as the dog-demon went into battle. The snake heard them and banned their interference, crushing them into the cave wall.

Coil after coil of the giant snake rose from the frothing lakewater, cutting off more and more of Inuyasha's space. The others could do nothing; they were pinned to the wall by a length of the snake's body. Shippo was the only one free, and he was ineffectively throwing Foxfire at the massive demon. It was only Inuyasha's superb ability to fight and his demon night-vision that allowed him to survive his too-close encounters with fangs of venomous death.

Finally, Kagome spotted the singular, steady glow of the shard she sought. As the very end of the snake emerged from the water, she cried out to Inuyasha, "The tail! The shard is in Karasuhebi's tail!"

Inuyasha did not have time to reply, but instead dodged along Karasuhebi's rippling coils; one slip of his sure feet and he was lost to the poisoned fangs that snapped just behind him. It was a jungle-gym of writhing snake, leaping from length to length, ducking beneath coils and dodging the striking heads. Fortunately for the half-demon, he had perfect reflexes and was able to avoid disaster.

"Sango, can you get free?" Kagome gasped, struggling for breath beneath the snake's weight. Sango, the one with the least of the snake's body on her, nodded grimly as she continued to work herself loose. "If you can get out, try and distract the snake so Inuyasha can hit the tail!" Kagome told her.

Meanwhile, Inuyasha was fighting his way through to the snake's tail. He had chopped off one of the heads and discovered that the head-growing trick worked with them, too. Karasuhebi now had three heads, and none of them were inclined to cut him any slack. He had sliced the snake open in a hundred places, but because of the jewel shard each wound healed almost instantly.

A cut across the face of one head made it flinch back with a spitting hiss, dragging the other two with it. Now the tail was within his grasp! "I've got you now!" he crowed, flinging himself at the wriggling end of the snake. Three heads dived in to stop him.

"Inuyasha, look out!" Kagome screamed.

A great whirr cut through the air, and Karasuhebi pulled up with a hissing screech, six eyes widening in surprise. In its second of shock, all three of its heads were severed at the main trunk by Sango's great boomerang. At the same moment, the Tetsusaiga crashed down on the snake's tail, slicing through it, cutting off the demon's source of life and power.

The body writhed, but this time, no new heads sprouted from the neck. The long body began to disintegrate into something akin to dried-out, dusty snakeskin, which shattered into pieces like autumn leaves and fluttered to the ground. The three heads gasped, "Our preciousss..." in unison before following the same path.

Wearily, Kagome fished out the glowing shard of the Shikon Jewel before the still-alive tail section could grow itself a whole new snake. She put it into the little jar, making sure the lid was firmly closed. The tail fell limp and melted into dust.

"Feh...all that for just a little tiny one?" Inuyasha huffed, sheathing the Tetsusaiga. "Cheapskate snake-demon."

"At least it's something," Kagome sighed. "Let's get out of here. I want to see the sun again, and I don't think we want to be here when the rest of the rats get back."

"The rest of them?" Shippo screeched, while Inuyasha gulped.

"There were a lot more than this here when we came," Kagome told them. "They must have run off when whatever-it-was killed the others."

"We're going," Inuyasha announced quickly, grabbing Kagome by the wrist and heading towards the lake. "I'll carry all of you back up, but you'll have to use your own legs after that. I'm not a horse-for-hire."

But he carried Kagome all the way back to the surface.

There were eyes in the dark.

Narrowed, amber eyes watched the small party in the cavern from a distance, guaging the prey. "Mmm..." said the whispered voice, sensuous and feminine. "Formidable, for a half-breed. Strength to go with those killer looks."

There was a low chuckle. "Just the one I've been looking for. He's so much more than they said...I wonder if they knew?"

"Ahhh!" Kagome stretched and smiled, taking deep breaths and ejoying the warm sunshine and bright light. "It feels so good to be back on the trail!"

"Easy for you to say," grumbled Inuyasha, striding beside her. "You didn't have to climb all the way back up to the mountainside with somebody on your back." He and Shippo had been most affected by their sudden arrival at the cave mouth. In the dimness below, Kagome had seen his cat-slitted pupils opened wide as she rarely had before, catching every available photon of light. Advancing into the sunlight, he'd had to shrink and squint for some time to allow his night-seeing eyes to adjust.

"You told me to stay on!" Kagome retorted good-naturedly. "I'm really grateful you did," she continued sincerely. "I was really worn out from...what happened down there. But I feel better now."

"Feh." Inuyasha only snorted in reply.

They were well away from the cave, far down the mountainside on the narrow little trail they had followed on their way up. Sango had summoned her pet Kirara from the woods, and she chittered happily on her shoulder. Miroku walked beside her with Shippo on his shoulder, and the three were in animated conversation, congratulating Sango for her masterful job saving Inuyasha's hide from the snake-demon. Kagome and Inuyasha hung back a bit, letting the others stay further ahead.

"Hmph!" Inuyasha snorted, well able to hear the others' words. "You'd think I never needed help before."

"Well, you usually don't," Kagome observed thoughtfully. "And when you do you never say so."

Inuyasha glanced sideways at her. Coming out into the light, his shame had sprung anew when he saw plainly the red marks across the bridge of her nose, set into her clear, pale skin. He hadn't drawn blood, but she was still marred--and it clenched in his heart to see it, and know that he had done it. None of the others had noticed or commented on it, with all the other scrapes and bruises she had. But Inuyasha knew, and felt horrible for it. Every time he looked at her, he was reminded of what he'd done--and he still didn't understand why he had.

"I'm all right," Kagome said softly, making him redden and look away.

"Wh-what do you mean?" He tried to sound unconcerned and derisive.

"What happened in that tunnel...I..." Kagome cleared her throat, her voice a whisper as they followed along. "I won't tell the others about your problem with rats, or this..." She rubbed her nose. "...if you don't tell them I went hysterical. Deal?"

Inuyasha swallowed. It would be supremely humiliating if the others knew he'd actually bitten Kagome like some animal, not to mention that they'd be extremely angry with him. It was best to keep it between the two of them. "It's...a deal."

Kagome smiled at him, her cheerful face lifting some awful burden that had been lying heavy on his heart of hearts. She forgave him! "Okay then! Let's get going--we need to get back to Kaede and let her know we're alive and that we got another shard."

For once, Inuyasha did not argue about going further for more shards--he was simply glad everything was still okay.

Back at the village, Kaede was quite glad to see them. A lot of time had passed since they'd gone into the cave; hours spent in timeless darkness had seen the night go by outside, and it was after noon the next day by the time they got back home. They really hadn't noticed that much time had passed.

Inuyasha had seen Kagome safely cleaned, bandaged, and put to bed in Kaede's hut; the marks on her nose had finally faded away, thankfully before they'd even reached the village, but he disappeared into his forest with hardly a word to anyone. He made it clear, however, that he wanted Kagome to rest her fill before going on another shard-hunt. This seemed odd to the others, but the half-demon gave no reasons for his firm stand and vanished before he could be questioned further. Kagome was also closemouthed about their time trapped in the tunnel, so the others began to wonder if something had happened in those hours--with a big margin of guessing on what something was, from the logical to the absurd.

While Kagome napped peacefully under Kaede's care, Miroku, Shippo, and Sango pow-wowed to see if they could figure out just what had changed between the girl from the future and their resident half-demon.

In the meantime, Inuyasha was beating himself up over the incident with Kagome.

Literally.

The dog-demon halfling was tearing recklessly through the woods, on all fours for full speed, burning off his upset emotions in a blur of rapid travel. Ears pinned, eyes front, he followed a straight line through the forest, leaping downed trees and ducking underbrush. His breath was chugging gasps in time to the four-beat rhythm of his galloping lope, his tongue lolling out as his body overheated from his massive exhertion. He was running himself into the ground in his own form of penance.

His mind was running even faster. Damn stupid idiot! How could I have done that? How did I lose control? I know better! I'm a man, dammit, not a beast! I don't care if I am half-demon or half-dog, what I did was horrible! What the hell was wrong with me? Why did I do that? Damn you, Father, there's still so much about me I don't understand, and you never got the chance to teach me...!

Mom didn't know much; she couldn't tell me much of anything. Father, why did you have to die? Damn Sesshomaru for being such a bastard! We could have been brothers, but nooo, he has to be a jealous jerk of a dog-demon. To think I actually liked him once! Before I met him, I liked him! Curse it all, is it the demon part of me that's doing this? Making me bite Kagome? Is it the same thing that makes Sesshomaru so cruel? Could I be...like him?

Giving a half-choked growl, Inuyasha put on an extra burst of speed, his already burning muscles protesting this overbearing activity. He'd never run so fast, so far, so long...

God, no...I don't want to be like him... Was Sesshomaru...good once? Did he change because of the demon blood? Is this the beginning for me? First that one little bite, then another that bleeds, then another that kills...? An image came to him, of himself with Sesshomaru's cold, cold eyes and his own fanged grin, laughing evilly as he licked blood from his talons; the rosary that bound him was broken and his friends lay strewn about, dead--and Kagome was nothing but a torn, lifeless corpse. No! I can't be like him! I won't be like him! I'm a demon and a killer...but I'm not a cruel, murdering bastard like him! I won't--but could I...? I can't...but I might...no, no, no, no, no!

His pounding feet lost their rhythm at that moment. His forelimbs entangled in the vines and brush, flipping him over. He skidded and rolled to a stop.

For a while, all he could do was lie there and gasp for air, his muscles throbbing and his tongue hanging out. Already aching with wounds half-healed from his battle with Karasuhebi, he felt new pains all over from his over-exhertion and his rough fall. Uncounted minutes passed, with only the sound of the birds, the wind, his own pounding heart, and his ragged panting.

When he could breathe normally, he pressed back to his feet. Well, not quite his feet; his aching limbs could barely support him when applied fourfold--he didn't have the strength to stand erect. He staggered a few feet through the brush and found himself listening to the sound of running water. Following the laughing noise, he came out of the bushes beside a babbling brook.

This is...Kuro Kappa's Creek...to the east... Did I really run that far...? Flopping down to lie miserably on the bank at the water's edge, Inuyasha traced a claw in the water and wallowed in his depressed thoughts. For a long time, his previous ruminations chased themselves in repeating circles in his head.

He thought a couple of hours might have passed, while he sat there dozing near the water. When he felt better, he sat up stiffly, getting twinges from muscles that hadn't quite recovered yet. Feeling thirsty, he leaned down to drink from the cold creek; having no bowl or cup, he simply lapped. When he finished, he regarded his reflection in the slightly smoother waters he sat near.

In this dumb water you couldn't tell if it was me or my brother, he thought derisively, seeing only a white-haired humanoid form with a hint of golden eyes in the distortion of the rippling water. We aren't that different on the outside.

"What matters most is found on the inside, my little Inuyasha...deep in your heart."

Inuyasha blinked as a memory of his mother's words flitted through his head. He closed his eyes and tried to remember. Yes...she'd said that to him once. It had been just a while before she died...and he'd shut out so many memories of her to keep the pain away...

It was after he'd seen and witnessed firsthand what demons did to humans. Something horrible had happened to some villagers in the place where he and his mother lived, and Inuyasha had been there to see it, along with several other children and villagers. A big demon--Inuyasha no longer remembered what it was, only that it was a demon--had ripped the poor folk to pieces, devouring flesh and bone while he and the others fled in terror.

Later that evening, before going to sleep, a very frightened and upset Inuyasha asked his mother a terribly important question...

"Mommy, are demons bad?" His mother hesitated where she sat beside him, her expression changing to something deeply sad. "No, honey." "But...I saw what that one did to..." "I know, sweetheart." His mother tucked his blankets close to his chin, smoothing his silky white bangs with gentle fingers. "There are some good demons and some bad demons, just like there are some good people and some bad people." "Oh." The tiny dog-demon's face scrunched up with concentration. "But I never saw any good demons. All of 'em I ever saw are bad." His mother was silent. "An'...an' I was scared, 'cause I'm a demon too, an' I don' t wanna grow up to be a bad demon like them..." His mother suddenly snatched him up, hugging him close to her and rocking him. He didn't understand her sudden action, but he held on to her all the same. "You'll never be a bad demon, Inuyasha. Never." "But they--" "Right now there are many more bad demons, but darling, I know there are good demons. Your papa is one, did you know that? He's the most wonderful man I've ever met. And your brother--he's so very nice, too. See? With such a good family, you could never be a bad demon." "What if they are bad? What if all demons are really bad?" Inuyasha's chin quivered; he was afraid of becoming "bad." His mother drew back, sitting him comfortably on her lap and wiping the tears from his cheeks, smiling gently at him. "What matters most is found on the inside, my little Inuyasha...deep in your heart." "My heart?" "Yes. You know you're half human too, don't you? So that means even if all demons are bad, my Inuyasha won't be all bad. If you have a good heart, it won't matter what you are on the outside, demon or human." "Really?" The little halfling child seemed relieved at that. "So even if I do some bad things..." "We all make mistakes, Inuyasha. The human part of you will make sure you have a good heart."

Inuyasha pulled himself out of his reverie, forcing down the bittersweet memory of his mother's voice...face...touch...love...

It was my human heart that I cursed as a weakness, he thought, resting his head in his hands. What a fool...to not realize it's what keeps me from being like him. It keeps me from becoming "bad." It's my anchor. She was right. Mother was right from the beginning. My human heart is...good.

It was the first time he had ever admitted it, to others or to himself. He was a demon with a human heart...a monster with a soul. It was a mind-bending concept to grasp; he was far too accustomed to cursing his "human weaknesses," not realizing that the very thing he cursed was the key to all he held dear.

"Thank God..." he sighed, leaning back on the bank. He said it aloud to make sure he knew it. "Mom was right. I'm not like my brother...and I never will be."

He sat for a while, resting. He was still worried--he had bitten Kagome, and despite his good heart he still had a demon's temper and a tendency to "make mistakes." Somewhat pensive, he mulled it over in his mind and wondered if he still might lose his temper and do something he'd regret when the rage was gone. Good heart...help me...

After a time, he remembered that it was getting late in the afternoon and he should head back; the others were likely wondering if he'd picked a fight with something bigger than he was and not come out on top. He ought to go reassure them he wasn't dead. And tonight was the night...and it was getting later. Damn this change...if my human heart is my strength, a human body is my weakness! Damn this change--I hate it!

Despite his depression, worry, and anger, it would do him no good to sit out in the woods and sulk this far from the village. Tonight, somthing might just eat him. He'd better get back before it was even close to sundown.

A figure moved through the woods, loping smoothly but panting raggedly. "Whew!" said a grumbling female voice as the figure stopped in the shady shadows of the underbrush, a glint of silver where sunlight played. "That half-breed can run. Now where the hell is he?" the voice whispered. "Damn, I've lost him... Where did he go?"

The figure froze. Distantly, the sound of pattering footseps could be heard, yards and yards away from the shadow's position. The footsteps headed rapidly back towards the west.

"Awwww...don't tell me he's just going to run all the way back to...aw, damn it all!" With a grumbling growl, the shadowy figure turned and hurried back the way it had come.

To be continued...